.+.[[Dre4mZ.pr|nCesS]].+.

2005-09-07T19:51:00.000+08:00

`. when the road seems dark and lonely;

hi.

i think i have matured one more step. because whenever i feel how bad life is. what i think of // tell myself is.. hey come on. i shouldn't hate this world. there's no many nice thing to eat. so many nice thing to play. so many nice people. i should love it.

went for choir today. LESS people. sheesh. so less that no matter how loud i sang, it seemed so soft.

i love the song. the.. as long as i have music. its so.. nice. lols. oh btws. we may be singing spongebob squarepants theme song. -.-

sometimes all i want. is just to be alone on my own. just quietness..

falling sick ONCE AGAIN. haiz.

what is this..

2005-09-05T15:45:00.000+08:00

`. all my life;

heys all.

ahahahaha. (:

-.-" alright. back to my normal crazy self. whee. mmm. hmmm. heh. diao.

yesh yesh. junyang de guardian angel on my blog.

hmmms. ehh.

HOLIDAYS !.

whats the difference//big deal.

LOLs.

i mean seriously. have choir too mah. hahas. but is okay i guess. and been the good girl me. i've done ALMOST all my homework.

[ praising myself ] LOL. okay lahs. i just did it because. i don't have last minute work =x.

hey. at least i went to the library puh-lease. lols. to borrow some ENGLISH BOOKS XDD.

have the urge to read english. hahahas. borrowed 3 books. 2 of which somehow the stories quite related. =x. lols. havent read lah.

btws. zhanglaoshi will be BUSY MARKING n'levels papers next week. muahahaha.

but then. guess what. yea. his usual crazy lame self. he already put monday work one pile, tuesday one pile, wednesday one pile, thursday one pile, friday one pile. FIVE PILES of sheet. on his table. waiting for the chinese rep to take. -_- interesting man. YEA right. interesting.
[eat sheet rather]. (:

wrote lame stuff on the english compo thing. story about a mouse. interesting. [crap rather] (:

i just realised one of the books i borrowed have a really nice cover. interesting. [beautiful rather] (:

orange paperweight. stole from my brother. evil me. nono. i let him have the purple one you see. (: aha. orange nicer.. xD

btws. theres a PIG spotted on my display pict. say hi to it please. be nice. (:

2005-08-31T21:46:00.000+08:00

`. wind beneath my wings.

hihi all.

i guess it should really be time, for me to rub off the rust stains on this blog. hah.

let's see. for this week and the past week, it has really been a quite urms.. tiring thing for me. choir rehearsels, dance rehearsels, teachers' day stuffs.

somehow, im already used to the rushing here and there.

been watching lots of movies lately. school of rock - science. some weird cartoon - english. geography - education shows. art- spirited away xD. literature - animal farm.

sometimes when i show my stressed out part of me, its not that i want sympathy or whatsoever, its just trying to let you all listen to my instructions and stuffs.

i may not seem to be showing it. but everytime my father need to goes back to china to work, that farewell, i didn't want to look at him.

sometimes i get stressed out for nothing.

oh yea btws. didnt went back to chongfu because i got maths olympiac. ended at 4+. so yeps. cant get in.

at first i don't feel like going back. in the end i saw many of my friends going back to their schools, i felt like going. but then i cant anymore.

stream of bitterness and sourness within me. sighs.

but well, the point of going back, is just to get back old times, isn't it? but then to think of it again, everyone have changed. it's all different now.

at least i know for sure, people have changed. which sad to say, most changed for the worse. so to be optimistic, i tell myself. yea sure, no big deal of not going back, at least i won't be disappointed when i see some of my friends behaving this way.

why cant there ever be a day when everyone in the world is happy, truely smiling from their hearts. why is it always im in a bad mood and the whole world's in a good mood, and when im in a good mood, the whole's world is been moody.

i rather go back to those times. because sooner or later. i don't think i can stand it anymore. whats the point of it anyway, not as if time will go back for me, and for some of us.

Wind beneath my wings

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

-perhaps you were never there, perhaps i shouldn't have known you. perhaps you would never know you're my hero.

2005-08-23T19:34:00.000+08:00

`. bohemian rhapsody

hihi all.

sometimes i really feel like bursting. just sometimes.

sometimes people who ain't close to me, seem to understand how i feel.

sometimes all that i put in, it comes out as half.

sometimes god let me see the selfish nature of humans, just to let me understand.

but dear lord, may i ask? why can people get so selfish sometimes. why can people be so determined to win all the time?

why can people do things which may haunt your concience for life, why can people bring themselves to do it?

i don't know im over-tired or what. sad to say is. although im like so tired. i have no appetite after a tired day.

completely no appetite. sheesh. and i bet. i will be back to normal. only next friday.

sometimes i really don't know what people ask of me, sometimes i don't know if they are over-demanding.

sometimes. just sometimes. i wished i was never born before.

2005-08-22T17:47:00.000+08:00

`. i wish i were never born.

hihi all.

just came to say..

hi.

2005-08-19T19:37:00.000+08:00

`. jie kouu.

hai. hi all.

as many of you have noticed. my blogskin is on. JUNYANG.

sad to say, he's already out of the competition. but no matter what, all i wish is he will have his own album and i will buy it.

i won't hate weilian. i won't hate anyone. (:

but i just want to say. his last song made me cried.

right. stop junyang-ing lerh. haha. common tests 2 over lerh. haii. feel a sigh of relief within me. but then. will have to face the results someday.

it may seem like just a normal exam or whatsoever. but i learnt alot.

some people have too high expectations. in the end. when they get their results, then they realise how much their heart broke.

some poeple whereas work so hard. just for the sake of having their achievements as much as they put in. but in the end. they still don't get what they should.

sometimes, life is just so unfair.

2005-08-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

`. if only things were as easy as i thought.

heys.

what should i say. do i look like i have anything more to say now. getting a b4 for chinese now becomes a super impossible in my life now.

haii.

if i can turn back time. i should had jolly well told myself. ' you are stupid, please don't risk your whole life taking hmt '. if only. if only. that was. the case.

history? nah. crap larh. what else am i good at. english? nothing much to say, isn't it.

literature? don't ask please.

sorry if i show my bad temper in school these few days. im just. annoyed.

forgive me.

*even god can't help me this time.

2005-08-15T16:23:00.000+08:00

`. chen li de yue guangg.

haii. hi all.

i know i know. im not supposed to be blogging here right now,this time, right?

but then again. i see no hope infront of me. what if i tell you. i studied hard for geography. and what came out was CRAP? sad thing is. i wrote CRAP back. what should i do. won't anyone answer me.

chinese. i have never looked forward to it. unfortunately, its today. my hand broke into cold sweat. haii. my eyes were like completely blur after 1 and a half hour of looking at so many chinese characters. new format. *sighs.

tomorrow's history and english. history. sad to say. there's nothing much i can memorise for essay questions. the rest are just the. 'you-got-to-know' facts.

english. it's said to be much much tougher than the 2002 o'levels english paper. *claps. how wonderful. oh god.

people may not show it. but i can tell. they ain't happy. i can see it in their eyes. deep inside they really really want to cry. even when they smile, when they laugh. sigh. seems like i just can stroke off that single wish of mine from the wishlist. *everyone around me to be happy.

the smell of rain. ahh. sighs heard everywhere.

in life. always remember this. the person you love may not be the person you spend your life with. that one you spend your life with could be someone you are familiar with, you love them. but truely, he/she is not the one you truely love the most.

make decisions wisely. if you know you will be hurt badly in the end. end it now. before it cuts deeper.

sometimes i just wonder. how's life in canada?

hah. dun ask why i ask. just asking. lol.

2 exams gone. 2 hopes gone. 6 more. 2/8 hopes gone. pauline. BUCK UP.

i cant afford for more hopes to be gone. just one..?

however. i cant say i have hope for history. nor englishh. what should i do. fireworks would fly, if
i get good results for geo or chinese. angels would sing with lollipops. dinosaurs will cry.

- loving somebody doesnt mean you need to have him/her.

*sighs.

2005-08-14T09:06:00.000+08:00

`. i would rather hurt myself than to even make you cry.

hihi all ((:

here im blogging in the morning. because i may not be online in the afternoon because i have to study alright.

BUT. i just want to say a BIG THANK to every single one who have touched my heart. A simple sms it may be, a simple call it may be, im really touched. (:

thanks sandy for giving me a call/sms at 12+ (:, thanks for all the smses. thanks sylvia for the card. thanks all 1e2s. (: thanks yiyin for requently tellingg me. (:

oh and thanks EVERYONE. lol.

too many to thank. >.<

haiya. just want to say. thank you. =x

enjoy your days people, smile.
btw. i failed. im still not myself. because somehow or rather. i become somebody else. =x. but. im still blessed. (:

study hard.
smile always.
(:

2005-08-10T20:14:00.000+08:00

`. my heart is so disguised.

hey. im uploading my blog. AGAIN. so if you missed the post just now. that's just. too bad.

suddenly i realise. im going to be dead tomorrow. hai.

and what more. im already DEAD NOW. yes. this second. this minute. this.. whatever.

went to earnwen's blog.. saw her post. suddenly i realise. i have got used to another nickname they have given me through these months now i feel. i dun really respond to my name?

pauline pauline pauline. is that me? hah. i wonder.

pauline pauline pauline pauline pauline pauline! where are you! diao. -.-

it just feels so. awkward when people calls me pauline. unfortunately. lol.

'forbidden love' just sound so sad everytime i listen to it. my mother is just so. unreasonable everytime. no matter how hard i try to talk to her nicely. she never listens.

history? i give up.

have to travel home on our own. from south of singapore. to north? i give up.

still motionless/feelingless? i give up.

4 more days. just 4 more days to get back myself. can i? i..

give up.

2005-08-10T19:47:00.000+08:00

`. reach out for the skies.

hihi all. once again.

been a 24-hour nurse to my sick brother. ): dots. hah. my history is doomed.

neway. (: in the end still went to the ndp thingy. with yiyin and xinying larh. had a really hard time finding them. =x.

the fireworks rock. ((:

the rest of the pictures got HUMANS in it. think better dun put. ((:

thenthenthenx3. erms. happy belated national day.

2005-08-09T17:05:00.000+08:00

`. you'll never ask me why my heart is so disguised.

yo. hihihihi.

i better be careful of what i type here. (: because of some people. i think he know very well who he is. *cough*

thenthenthenx3. -.- erms. HAPPY NATIONAL DAY. (: well. though still. i don't know why im at home at such. occasion?

dunno larh. maybe later my mum may drag me to the heartland- yishun bah.

zzz. -dozes off-

its like. SO MANY PEOPLE. ):

ay. hah. lol. diao.

btw. if ure reading my blog from i.e i think the words are like. SUPER BIG. unless you use mozilla. then its normal. sheesh.

aey aey. get back to rotting now. (: out.

2005-08-06T10:21:00.000+08:00

`. time to say goodbye.

hihi all.

im feelingless. really.
yesterday after school. my words aint more than 5 when i spoke.

walked with jessie to the school gate. walked her out i meant. she asked me. why i so quiet. i said with a smile. because i got nothing to say.

seriously. i don't know is it me. or whatsoever.

feelingless. haiz.

im just. sianed-. not because of what. haiz.

stop sighing? nah. i cant.

my mind is completely blank. im completely cold to everyone. including the surroundings. i react slow.

im just tired. haiz.

2005-08-04T18:28:00.000+08:00

`. 10 days.

so what if its 10 days. im UNHAPPY. never been happy since this week.
-sigh-

2005-08-01T20:04:00.000+08:00

`. staring at the sun.

hihi all. ((:

will make this a short post.

heh. nothing much actually. just been running up and down here and there lately. )): because there's just so much stupid things to handle.

gah. ((:

rooster - staring at the sun. nice nice nice. one more to my lovely blitzball [note; it's related to FINAL FANTASY] ((: winamp. heh heh.

i want to watch CHARLIE. and the CHOCALATE factory. i requested from my brother. i begged him with all i could. and you know. it's still a NO. fine. i rather watch it myself. =[

heh. it has been a super ultra WEIRD day for me. i was just out of my mind. mr kwa nearly sent me to mental hospital though. lucky i stopped him. and ms chua pinched my face and said 'youre cuteeeeeeee' which sent my hair standing up for the rest of the day.

listening to my paper heart currently. (: the all-american rejects rocks. why didnt i notice them earlier. =[. heh. one more sad song also very nice.

nowadays im back to the rocky/punky me. listening to these kind of songs again. gah. ((:

some memories are sweet. some people are sweet. HEART them. ((:

2005-07-28T18:06:00.000+08:00

`. there are many less fortunates.

heyhey all. today neh. quite tiring larh. haha. yups. today after school. got the dance thing. after dance thing. at the bus stop that time. that glynis keep suanning me like mad lorh. lol. i mean she suan really is make me.. -.-

then something left a huge impression in my heart. when i was waiting for the lift. theres this neighbour of mine. this lady. her daughter i think is around my age larh.. then she really is.. mentally ill de.. then when the lift came. got one uncle come out. point to me then say in dialet i translate larh. ' eh.. your daughter?.. ' then she replied. ' no larh. the siao one then is my daughter larh. if my daughter so big like that liao then good lorh.. ' after that she was like.. fake a smile in the lift larh.. then is like.. i thought alot larh..

is like. there are so many less fortunates ones around us if you really go and observe and stuff. haiz.

thenthen. nothing much larh just.. sian bah.

- do you still remember the past?

2005-07-26T19:00:00.000+08:00

`. tourniquet. my suicide.

hi all.

it's just another day for me. isnt it. if you even asked what gone into me. i cant give an answer.

now my questions aint as simple as. i wonder what ure doing. i wonder who are you with. i wonder if you are thinking of me too. but it ends with. are you happy with it now.

morning. i was. cranky. i went. completely. MAD.
lessons. abit cranky. suddenly cry and laugh for no reason.
after school. cranky to the max.

could you just look into my eyes and tell me if ure happy now.

ps: those on top. were craps.

i want to be a good girl. I REALLY WANT TO BE. so here i go. i wanna study history now. haiz. someday i will stumble. oh btw. if ure thinking im that really nice girl. puh lease. think again. im not that nice as u may think.

just think about it.

2005-07-25T19:00:00.000+08:00

`. the truth is in me.

-yawns- heh. hi all.

today ahs. don't know is tired or not larh. just. sians. maths lesson want to sleep only lorh.. haiz. not say i bad larh. but i really wish to drag maths lessons until the bell rings lorh, i mean.. 50 minutes. who can stand it..

oh ya. i watched initial d. my brother got the dvd larh. damn nice. so so so nice. lolx. i watched twice. siao rights. jay chou cried leh. LOL. then he cry like, abit fake though. haha.

but still. is cool larh. my brother say i abit sick in my head. watch so many times. many times meh. 2 only what. i feel like watching again. =x.

actually right. i already know the truth in my heart and my mind liao larh. is just maybe i don't dare to face it bah. i cant deny that im afraid of losing. i cant right.

haiz. im bored. jasmine went to play her stupid maple. =[. pao qi me. haiz.

sometimes, it just doesnt pays to be nice. i don't know how long can i pretend the truth isnt there. i listen the songs he listen. i walk the streets he walk. i cry the tears he cry. LOL. okay abit too kua zhang liao. joking nia larh. im just spamming. trying to make my post longer. as you can see. unless your eyes got stamp.

heh. hmm. lalalalala. LOL. im bored. sad to say, im scared too.

don't ask why, don't.
tatas- <3

2005-07-23T10:25:00.000+08:00

`. made it through.

hehs. hi all. i feel so. wow.

it has been. a really really. long and tiring week for me. =x. i cant say im not tired. nor can i say im tired? LOL.

monday. uhhs. nothing much. tuesday. 5-item test. passed. muahaha. wednesday, dead. went for olympiac maths first. completely don't understand what the teacher is saying. then went for choir. ahems. want to fall asleep. then after that. went home then packed up go yeeting house. =x. cook for the racial harmony day thingy. super tired. whole night never sleep. then the next day went to school. eyebags. =x. lol. then thursday. the food and stuff. quite successful bahx? then coz only a few lessons. mr kwa so good. let us rest. then mr faizal. okay larh. also let us abit. then i slept slept slept until mr zhang came in. then he let us rest for like. 10+ minutes? lol. so good.

then thursday. got dance somemore. -.-" then come home really is. dead. so. i slept from. 7pm to 6 am in the morning. LOL. professional pig. =X

then friday, got choir also. first time, we sec 1s so loud. =x LOL. then come home. 11+ sleep until now lorh. hahaha.

the new chinese paper format, good thing is, no need to really study for it. bad thing is, that's why we will not score high. -.-" you flip through. all you see is comprehensions. and i meant comprehensionS.

erms erms. what else. i suddenly got the urge to watch spirited away again. maybe later after im done with the chinese paper. =x. [ though i first question already T.T ]

then. hmm. nothing much bah. think i got enough of my sleep lerh. wahaha. and im happy to say that. I HAVE FINALLY CLEARED MY TUESDAY. <3 finally.

i have matured one more step. =]

2005-07-17T17:26:00.000+08:00

`. safe in a crazy world.

hihi all. =]].

have been listening to corrinne may's songs since. this morning? haha. her songs are full of meaning, hard to sing of course, haha.

angeline jie likes them too. =]]. we were chatting and chatting, and she prompt me a question. what is the thing i most regret of doing. suddenly, i thought. i wasn't really sure. but i replied her with, ' knowing some people i shouldnt have '.

now at this point of time, i have no idea what i want in life. i have no idea what i want, what i feel, what im thinking.

wanted to change this blogskin, then i stopped. i thought. there's nothing wrong with this skin, why should i change it. hahas.

another week is starting, maybe for this week. i will try my best to clear off tuesday. =]]. no matter what, i must.

hmmms. suddenly. im thinking of someone. just someone i havent mention for.. since don't know how long. haha. read some of my old posts. from last year. kind of childish. =x lol. i cant believe that someone is completely out of my head. haha. im just wondering. what is he doing now? how is he doing? is he fine? hah. its been. 7 months and a few days. =]. i actually forgotten about him. how cool. LOL.

is it because, i havent been in touch with him for so long. is it because i havent seen him since don't know how long ago, is it because i completely don't know who is he and his whereabouts now? or is it because of some. unforseen reasons. =x.

hah. i don't know am i happy or sad. lol. whats wrong with me.

but well. at least it shows i succeeded. lol. that's good. well at least, for me.

hmms; outta here then. [=.

2005-07-15T17:56:00.000+08:00

`. not impossible, just not possible.

hihies all =)

think it's quite cooling these few days bah, rain and rain and rain. ahas. favourite period of the year. not like the first few months, very hot. lol.

no choir today. due to the sickness of ms ong. hope she get well soon bahs. so next week choir will be better?

nothing much today actually. oh that reminds me. weekly assembly, that stupid rc went to toilet, had to carry his bag out of the classroom for him, then mr kwa was there, seeing me carry his oh-so-heavy bag and laughing. -.-" is he sick or what. but of course in the end he take larh. wahahaha. im not so mean lorh. he took it on his own will. =] but he keep laughing at me larh, sicko. -.-"

yesterday ahs, went for the dance thing. laughed while i was forcing myself to dance. it was really so funny. haha. at least we are dancing jazz, NOT cha cha cha.

mms. ey. finally this week is over. haha. finally.. -lets out big sigh- hahaha.

teddy bear; oh teddy bear. hahaha. i have been venting on my bears lately, i promise i won't le. i will vent on my doggie soft toy. =]] LOL.

lalalala. nothing much larh. ciaos =]

2005-07-13T20:25:00.000+08:00

`.not everyone can defeat stress.

hihi all. let's just sum up so far this week.

mms. monday. nothing much happened. just sleepy. tuesday. which is yesterday. had the 2.4 km run. after we run finish walking back, it rained, heavily, super heavily, but as we were all tired, i think we walked 3+ km in the rain back to school? wednesday, which is, today. had the maths olympiac thing. the teacher is so weird. sheesh. seriously. then had headache. as expected. went for choir straightaway. don't know what's wrong with everyone today. =x

haiz. i don't know is happy i pass my 2.4 or should i be. sad. or whatsoever. then my back aches. think it's from yesterday's rain. =x

haiz. tired. but what to do. ha.

nothing left for us to say; isn't it?

2005-07-10T16:21:00.000+08:00

`. fooling myself.

hihi all. nice weather now, ain't it?

nothing much happened bahs. changed handphone. super pink. =x. bathed myself with super cold water. so cold i can see those white dots over my skin.

back to school tomorrow. but i don't know why i feel so relaxed. im supposed to be stress. lol. no larh. just worry about wednesday.

somehow after i bathe myself with super cold water, i feel warm. sheesh. am i falling sick or what. not again please.

my heart feel so light. don't know why. haha.

rain's stopping. sigh. why can't it rain forever. there's still lightning and thunder, don't know why the rain stopping.

this year ndp song. weird tune. haha. listening to it now.. the song like no rythemn. hard to catch. lol.

hms. next week. kind of 'new' week. sec 2 and 3 are back. haha.

so many what if's in my head now. lol. =x

sigh, nvm. ciao. =]]

2005-07-08T15:07:00.000+08:00

`. as time pass.

hihi all.

today was a kind of. sick day for me. this morning. science period. ms chua havent back. so i was writing my composition, at first i was very energetic, then after i wrote finish, my eyes felt so heavy and i lay down abit. next period, chinese. i lay for about 20 minutes of the lesson and after that i was energetic again. then until the last 5 minutes of the period my eyes got really heavy again.. then recess i was kind of restless larh. then after that pw lesson. zZzzZz. then english. kinda lame. then during this time also. suddenly tired suddenly energetic larh. then after class. they lie to us. say do survey. in the end do new south whales. =[. then slept a little in class.

if i later cannot tahan. think i will sleep. lol.

then, hmmms. nothing much larh. going to rain soon. =]. yay. wahahahahas. lol.

2005-07-07T18:05:00.000+08:00

`. dying from torturement.

hellos all. sigh. im really dead.

just came back from the dance thing. tired until. don't know to say. is the only thing on for this week, yet i'm like, dying?

i cant imagine from next week on, what will become of me.
monday - FREE.
tuesday - well being RUN.
wednesday - most hectic day, long periods [eg. PE, history, LITERATURE], fricking OLYMPIC MATHS, and choir.
thursday - dance.
friday - choir.

and this week. is only thursday that i have. but i'm already dying. and today, i don't know what happened to the teachers, flooded with homework.

and today that mr faizal. mine. does he really like the number 37 so much. why does he have to call it twice? sheesh.

my only hope - english lesson. the only lesson i really feel relaxed.

mdm kaur is stressing us about the coming exams. and guess what. common test 2. starts 15//08//. wow. wonderful. really. great.

and i will have to spend 14//08// mugging. =]

all i wish now, is a little miracle.

2005-07-05T22:10:00.000+08:00

`. praying endlessly.

When i was a young man, i wanted to change the world, so i tried to change the nation. When i found i couldnt change the nation, i focus on my town. I couldnt change the town and as an older man, i tried to change my family. Now as an old man, i realise the only thing i can change is myself, and suddenly i realised that if long ago i had changed myself, i could have made an impact on my family. My family and i could have made an impact on our town. This impact could have changed the nation and i could indeed have changed the world.

since it's like that, face it.

2005-07-03T09:48:00.000+08:00

`. every night i fall asleep and this is all i ever dream.

hi all. (:

sometimes i'm thinking. just what am i thinking in my mind. although when things seem to get better, i will feel happy, but then again, somethings can never change, and that makes me wonder.

can we really change our lives? can we actually do the things we want? it's not impossible, it's just not possible.

why cant we always do/think the way when we comfort someone? why must we comfort someone in need of help just like you telling him/her what to do; how to think; but we just can't do it ourselves?

so before i even console;or comfort someone. i always think to myself, can i do it? if i can't, what's the point of telling someone else [like you] to do it?

i know the big problem that lies in me; is i think too much. seriously, i really think alot alot alot.

not everyone can understand me. or should i say; no one. the fact is, i don't even understand myself, i know everyone thinks the same as me. so we have to find ourselves. from the slightest thing, but, for me, i don't even know. sometimes i act so weird, sometimes i cry myself to sleep?

and sad to say is, i don't even know the reason.

i need the past badly. well, who don't? but as i'm typing, time is passing by. a second ago is already the past.

a second later, is the future. and now, is the present. just, what's the point of all these things? but of course i will always remember, things don't go the way we want them to, they never.

i'm here, in the early morning, typing all these sadist stuffs. i should already know what my rest of the day will be.

ciao.

2005-07-02T15:06:00.000+08:00

`. dance with my father

hi all. :]

hmms. just watched one show. made me cry. lol. sentimental?

luther vandross - dance with my father; is so sad. i mean a song larh. lol. ya saddist, meaningful?

man, im famous for been lazy. LOLx. really. i was like chatting with raquel. lol. then ya. haha. she guessed it. because i'm lazy.

lalalalalalaa. then. nothing much yupps. lol. hmm. better be out of here.

brother gonna use.

haiz. somethings. cannot see from the picture itself.

-outs- :]

2005-06-30T15:33:00.000+08:00

`. almost here.

hihi all.

ever since school reopen. i have never had a day i enjoy it.

zzZzzZzz. don't feel like mentioning. then today. youth day thing. the teachers were great. especially mr kwa. lol. nerdie. im sure he will kena suanned by andika or haiqal next week. lol. then i got number 17 in maths in whole level express. then need to go for olympic maths thing. haiz. i hate it.

quite sleepy since monday. don't know why. no matter how long i sleep. lol.

wu ee wu ah ah. cheng chang wa la wa la beng bang! lol.

aiss full of enthusiasm. LOLx.

tomorrow. sports day. im sure. also very enthu one. lol.

mmmmmm. headache larh. =x. lol...

oh ya. please don't mention the word 'chairman' or 'chairgirl' or 'chairwoman' or 'chairperson' in front of me. if not i will kill you. -.-"

then, nothing much. lol. bb.

2005-06-26T16:44:00.000+08:00

`. not everyone has an understanding heart.

sigh. the more i thought of yesterday.

and im really so. stupid; silly; idiotic? it's my own problem anyway. and im making people have my problems too.

if any one of them happen to read. just dont bother about me. sorry i shouldn't make problems for them.

school's reopen tomorrow. mm. think im all ready? haha.

haiz.

i really don't want people to be sad because im sad. get it? so don't worry about me. please.

2005-06-24T12:40:00.000+08:00

`. my paper heart will bleed

hihies all. =)

haiz. im bored. urms. don't know larh.

nothing to say.

ciao.

2005-06-22T16:37:00.000+08:00

`. will we last?

hies all. =)

i'm back on my toes and blogging again! sigh. i thought again. maybe i hate myself for one point, i always think alot.

i'm thinking. will we all last? [if you're smart, figure out yourself who the 'we' i'm referring to] i mean is like. someday we will break apart no matter what. me, _______ and ______ are like the youngest batch to us already. just think about next year. ignore those in sec 4. __ and those in sec 2 would become sec 3 already and their work will be more hectic. so less with us. then don't have to say, those in sec 4, working hard for o's. and of course _____ , how about her? it will be like the _____ year in ____.

we are so dependent on _______ and ______, if they last, we may be together again, someday. of course i hope they last.

*. heartbreak lullaby.

they are meant for each other. i must bear this in mind. :] reminding myself constantly over and over again.

but anyway, soon enough, we will be drifting apart. soon. just too soon i don't dare to do anything.

but i wish, just before we really drift apart from each other, i will have a chance to tell him, i really don't understand him and i'm sorry for unable to do so.

*. whenever i'm with you, i'm close to tears.

school's reopening soon isn't it. :] back to school work. sigh. is going to be more hectic, ccas and schoolwork, and of course, exams. but then again, everyone has to face it.

could it be better, if we were never?

2005-06-21T15:46:00.000+08:00

`. having sick days.

hihies all. =) i guess it's been awhile since i blogged! lolx. hms. ya im kind of sick. yea. worst thing that can ever happen to me. lolx.

i lost my voice. that's worst. worse of the worst. lolx. oh ya. went to borrow some books. and i managed to read finish one. and it rocks. lolx. my deep passion into reading is back! wahaha.

just a extra note.
zs is so cute! <3 LOLx

okay, back to blogging. LOLx. okay larh. nothing much anyway. :]

then lets see, hmmms. nothingg much. really nothing much. =s

2005-06-17T10:23:00.000+08:00

`. Maybe i cared too much.

yesterday. went for camp. it was okay bah. but tired lorh. ya. at night that time. watched phantom of the opera. which rocks. and then sleep. but then. lol. derrick and some people 'illegal gathering' at one corner [which was kind of near where i was sleeping] and play alot of card games. they whole night never sleep. -.-". lolx. then at first i sleep on mat one. then dowan. then i hide under table to sleep. LOL. then at first slept for like 1 hour. and very cold. shared 'blanket' with pamela but then she my senior mah. so let her have more blanket. so i was like shivering. then whole night never sleep larh.

oh ya. talentime. my group was like so cute. lolx. but then we knew we didnt did well. then when they announce results were like. the winner is, the group that sang..

that in our minds we all know, is the group that sang song of peace. but then. we were shocked. LOL. its like. they said. christmas-a-comin`. mine oh mine. lolx. then my group was like. ey. i dreaming not? lolx.

overall, okay larh did have fun. but really tiring. and thinking that the school is reopening. haiz.

im so tired. haiz.

2005-06-12T19:19:00.000+08:00

`. 'pessimist' is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is.

hello all. <3

this morning, went to woodlands library to do the project. and we completed it! i mean. kind of. lolx. =x. haha.

seriously. real life is quite haiz. because when you feel like escaping you cant. unlike habbo, if you feel like escaping, you can just run to another hotel. that's how i feel whenever i escape.

but then again.. sometimes it's also quite useless. sometimes i feel. i don't know. =x.

tomorrow going nuh. yups. then. hmms. like that lorh.

sometimes i love the world. sometimes i hate. sometimes my mood changes in split seconds. gees.

is there anything i can ever do?

suddenly, i think alot when listening to simple plan's untitled. shheesh. i mean. i always think alot. lolx. is that. suddenly feel very emotional towards the song.

millions saw the apple fall. but newton asked why. quite a motivational sentence. haha.

look at the words in bold. it means alot. =].

alone i cry,
hugging myself,
staying stonned.
thinking to myself,
what's the world like.
will it be nice?
or will it be dark.
i hope not.
now or never.
will i see the world.
the way i see it.
when i was.
a little baby.

just something random i poem-ed. sheesh. weird. =x. haha

2005-06-11T17:19:00.000+08:00

`. love me; that's all i ask of you.

hellos all. <3.

hmms. the weather nowadays very hot. >.< sigh. haha. let's hope tomorrow rains? hmms. tomorrow going to woodlands library to complete the project. =[. sheesh please please please let us complete it. if not. there's no more time.

next week. all packed. >.<. besides monday. =x. tuesday need to go for the choir thing. need to practice for the talentime song. wednesday choir camp. thrusday camp overnight friday morning come back. my god. i think i better squeeze out sometime to go to NUH. ya i better do so.

hmms. actually. things ain't getting better larhs. but then again. i just feel. let it be lorh. yups. i got no power to do anything one. yups. now it's like. we are strangers. okay. at the least. just friends.

sheesh. seriously speaking, i don't feel like going for the camp. =[. haish. i know it will be fun but then, just don't feel like going, somehow. somewhat.

please please please. may tomorrow be perfect. please? haish. we are starting right from morning to we finish. so please. help us. =x.

holidays come and go. =x. thinking of going back makes me happy. but then again. it will be busy. with ccas and of course. exams.

hmms. tomorrow. anything just sms me okays people? lolx.

happie little me again. <3. style="font-style: italic;">her, but she's getting better. =]

-pauline ciaoss. hahahaha. lames. =p.
`. time to say goodbye. hees.

2005-06-08T19:40:00.000+08:00

`. twinkle twinkle little star.

haiz. today choir was tiring. tomorrow also got.. sheesh..

i'm kinda pissed off by alot of people today. haiz. then come online received crap from people. darn tired and pissed.

phantom of the opera rocks. <3. the songs i mean. lol. haiz.

im so tired, and moodless. or should i say moody. very tired. don't feel like talking or should i say. typing much.

gahh. twinkle twinkle little star. =s.

im not childish. get the fact right. haha. haish. guess like only my group pw havent started yet. may god be with us. nah. this sunday. but i got a feeling. we cannot complete it. sigh. =(

okae i admit. im sad. happy now? haiz.

seeing me in this state, are you happy now?

2005-06-07T08:51:00.000+08:00

`. i died in my dreams, what's that suppose to mean?

you know.. sometimes i really wonder.. why?

sometimes i get really concern about some people, i try to cheer that person up, but in the end, they tell me i talk too much. sometimes i want to cheer that same person up again, i try to lessen my words already, they get irritated by me and end with, 'actually i'm okay larh.' well, sometimes i am already so tired and i don't have the courage to show my care and concern, they think i'm heartless..

i know they say, if we really care and concern about someone, we don't have to be afraid at all. but this time, im afraid. im scared.

but how long can i remain been 'heartless' ? i don't know. sigh..

i'm kind of tired you know. i mean i'm not that petty or something but you know how it feels to be like this? it's like you really want to care about this person but then what you get in the end is like.. haish.

hurts after hurts. hurts after hurts. blah.. yesterday also got hurt. thought that you will be the only one left, that will never say that of me, but i guess i was wrong. i just realise how much you rock yesterday.. note the sarcasm.. <3..

oh ya.. had a weird dream yesterday.. gees.. =x.. haha..

tired.. blah.. utterly disappointed in you. <3. byes.

2005-06-06T10:57:00.000+08:00

`. don't phunk with my heart.

wheeex! hahahaha.. =x.. did alot of thinking once again. lolx. wheeee. think and think so much. hahahaha. and in the end my situation is still the same. i will close one eye open one eye. lolx. =x

lalalalalalala. lolololololo. lelelelelee. -.-" hahahaha. crapps. =x

hmms. seriously, i got nothing to blog! =x

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. hahahahahaha.

wheeeex. im mad. =x

2005-06-04T17:51:00.000+08:00

`. love is like a gamble.

love is really like a gamble. you don't know whether you win or lose. you bet whole-heartedly and hoping to win but sometimes you just lose. sometimes you lose so seriously you can't stand on your own two feet again.

i can't say love is a game. love isn't just a game for two. to me, i don't know the answer. i have been betting and betting but i never know i have win or lose, sometimes the gambler gives me a look of im winning, sometimes he gives me a look that im losing, whats worst is sometimes he goes to another table and handle another gambler first.

what am i doing this for? haha.. forget it..

2005-06-01T16:59:00.000+08:00

`. i cant smile without youu.

hihi all. <3

lalalalala. barry manilow - cant smile without you. damnn cutee. lol. really. i feel sad when you're sad. i feel glad when you're glad. hahahaha. so cutee. =x

i feel so moodless. i mean. i cannot say im happy. i cannot say im sad. im just. no mood. i mean.. uh. lolx. =x. as in.. haiya.. no feeling. lol.

time seem to pass quite slowly. but sometimes. it seem to pass so fast. =x. maybe when im happy; of course time passes so fast. but sometimes when im real sad or bored. it just seem to be ticking away so long. one second seem to be an hour.

oh ya. forget about my previous post. it's nothing.

but then, i seem to have become a much more cheerful person. ((: really, seriously. no more of those thoughts and you know. i don't cry so easily noww. though i did yesterday. but it was just a too mixed emotion then i cry la. =x. lolx. why am i laughing at the thought of me crying? -.-"

im feeling sleepy+tired+moodless. lolx.. man i keep laughing at myself. diaoz. =x

hmmss.. sometimes i feel im kind of selfish larh.. because i never spare a thought for others. i mean im sensitive towards people's feelings larh. but then sometimes i don't know la. i mean sometimes i don't know whether they are hurt or not and neglect them leh. though im not the cause of them feeling down or something. but i just neglect them like that. =x

hmms, but just smile lorh. to all heartbroken little souls out there. work like you don't need money; love like you will never be hurt and dance like no one is watching. =)

2005-05-31T19:04:00.000+08:00

`. work like you need money; love like you never been hurt; dance like no one is watching.

i have done all my best. i failed. ((:

2005-05-29T08:46:00.000+08:00

`. what is left now.

leaf's departure is not because of wind's pursue. but because, tree did not ask her to stay.

hihie. just suddenly felt like blogging. my precious blog. hahaha.

hmmss. holidays are here right. but then again. still need to go back school on some days larh.. then choir also mah. hahaha. preparing for end of year concert..

seriously right, if you want to express yourself to somebody. please try to make it clear larh. don't keep the person in doubt lorh..

somehow i thought again, [i always do] are those words true? seriously, are they from your heart. if they are.. why are you drifting away from me?

i just want to know. if they were true. at all.

you should have just told me the truth;
that i wasn't the girl for you.

now you start to lie. didn't i said i hate liars?

i'm sick of this life;
i just wanna screamm.

but then again. i realise im stronger. because i don't cry at night now. i don't anymore. i don't cry to sleep anymore. even if i tried, they never come down.

is it because i have become stronger? or is it because.. i'm too used to the pain already?

no i can't stand the pain.

what if dying was the only way. nahh. im not so silly anymore. well, i sure have matured again. what a great achievement. =)

i'm one step closer to the word 'strong'. all thanks to you all.

well; outz of here. x)

2005-05-27T19:30:00.000+08:00

`. whats wrong trying to be nice.

hihi all. today ne.. rotted alot i can say.. yupps..

haiz. today after school right. an accident happened. haiz.. im not doing those stuff because im trying to act nice or kind or whatever. i know its not my responsibility to do so but im just doing it because it is only right to do so.

after that i thought again. why wouldn't i take a piece of broken glass and cut myself?

im crazy.. just insane. just like that larh. nothing much. reallyy.

however. that accident let me thought. its the same situation. the glass is like my heart. and someone just break it and leave the pieces for me to pick up. and they just walk away like that.

now i wish for one more thingg. for choir to be united. absoutely no doubt.

is it hard for that to be fulfiled? is it difficult? do i have the power to do so? i tried. but i failed in the end.

oh ya. got back my result slip. as expected grades. no worries.

oh ya. my comment one part was. im positive towards things or something. that may be true. but the teachers will never know.

my attitude is getting worse and worse each day. what am i going to do? who knows. let things go by i guess.

but all these were caused by no one but me. so i blame no one. but me.

2005-05-26T20:07:00.000+08:00

`. i know i cant.

well yesterday was the rock climbing thing. then urmm. i cried larh. but then. i is laugh till cry. i know i cannot climb larh. so i give up lorh. then the next thingy i was like too scared. though come down that time was okay larh..

then urm. todayy haishh. lectured again.. as usual one larh.. then sian larhh.. so far june holidays got geography and literature homeworkk.. haishh. today english lesson. listened to haiqal and andika crap lorh. what else. lolx..

then maths discussed about mr khew's leavingg. then pw went computer lab to play. though i didn't. haha.

then stood under the sun. trying not to faint. i mean. i was like so giddy and stuff. and hearing lots of mumblings of curse under their breath around me. lol.

then like that larh. haha

haiz. please stop taking me as if i know every single thing. and don't blame me when i tell you i don't know. because you yourself, don't know too.

blahh.. sometimes you make me fly to the sky. while sometimes, you just left me there to bleed.

2005-05-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

`. people do change.

well today. did the donation thing. upteen of rejections. makes me think about life. its always like that. when people turn away from you. you just have to fake a smile and move on. its as simple as that. sometimes people see you, they just turn away. because they find trouble in you. what's worst is, people come and find you, with problems.

i have been faking a smile the whole morning. [besides in class] when i did the donation thing. its really hard. really.

well, i think again. actually, i think alot. i don't know what im thinking. blah. craps.

my headache getting worse and worse. blah. it hurts alot. don't know why. so tired. and ya i think you can forget about coming to me for councelling for the time being. because i will encourage you to die. so please. don't risk yourself with me.

like my title suggests. people do change. they change for the better. or worst. its all up to them. but the most importantly, is the people around them who affects them.

you can never blame anyone for changing. you should never. you accept them for who they are.

seriously, some truth i doubt. or i mean. lie that i doubt. don't know larh. alot of questions in my head. when will you stop lying?

and you. i don't know.

omg. crapp.

2005-05-22T19:41:00.000+08:00

`. i just want to scream.

hihi. changed my layout again. =//.

nothing much. just keep on rotting and decomposing i guess. im such a weird person. just 1 minute ago i was so happy. and now i suddenly feel so moody.

mood swings. but in a split second. haish.

i don't even know what i am feeling moody for. seriously i need to know. if not how do i try to cheer myself up? im like just feeling sad for nothing. or maybe i know there's something. but i really don't know the answer.

why must we have feelings. at least why isn't there a ability to control them? why do they just surface up as and when they like? see.. i told you i wasn't okay.

somethings i can't remember. people force me to remember. its the past anyway. why are they forcing me. people tend to forget things they shouldn't, and tend to remember things they should not remember. why can't we be like a computer. whatever you want to delete. sure. see that recycle bin there? you feel like taking back that thing you can.

but unfortunately. we can't do this. we are still human. everyone has their past, present and future. but people tend to care more about their past. one second ago is the past. we shouldn't think about it. we should think about the present. and when the present becomes past. we ignore it.

im not a philosopher by the way. im just speaking my mind.

i just want to scream. though i always scream at home. the kind of scream i want. is not that. obviously. the kind of scream i wish for. is when i scream all my troubles out. get it?

this world shuks. but remember. if it didn't. we would all fall.

2005-05-22T10:24:00.000+08:00

`. mariah carey - hero [song playing] ((:

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away

Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

2005-05-21T16:17:00.000+08:00

`. since you've been gone.

wheeex. the weather now is good. great. wonderful. perfect. hahahha. testing my english vocab. okae lame. lolx.

feeling sleepy//tired//headache. maybe because i didn't sleep well last night. -shrugs- thsk thsk. lol. and.. my stm is getting worse.. dots.. -.-

i keep singing untitled by simple plan with my brother. then it was like. lol. the part when. 'i just wanna scream' we were like really screaming. lolx.

and we two like lame alot larh. diaozz. -.-"

haiya. craps la.. chao.

2005-05-20T20:21:00.000+08:00

`. lecturings.

bleahx. this morning. checked grades. so what. doesn't matter to me anymore. then urm. rotted lorh.. then last 5 minutes got out of class to watch the match. i mean. unofficial class match of captain's ball. because i just realised when i look around, the other sec 1 classes are doing the same thing. -.-" lolx.

after that urmms. at first got the forum thing, then it was. diaoz and diaoz larh. then urms. went to canteen, sat infront of andika and haiqal. lamed to death man.

then went hall lorh. like that lorh. nothing much larh.

sians. choir. june holidays also have. i mean. is okay larh. but after today. abit =s. okae.. don't want to say lerh.

im tired. yup. nothing much lehh. trying to make this post long. but then i just realise. there's nothing for me to write anyways.

lalalalala. okae. lamee. chaoz.

2005-05-19T18:04:00.000+08:00

`. mu nai yii. x)

urms. bombs dropped.

first paper. englishh. urmmm.... okae... 61 1/6. happy? then is mother tongue... urm... i don't think you would want to know.. then is.. let me recall.. maths i think. 89. don't know. then is.. science. 77. then is.. history. 84. then is geography 75 [pathetic hurs. just a1.] then urms. like that. oh ya home econs. thanks mrs shara. i never fail. miracle. =//.

right. i did failed my mother tongue okae. shut up. -.-". okae im like going around telling people i failed my chinese and asked them to shut up. i know i gave attitude. sorry okae.

i know i never fail overall. but if passing a few marks make me happy then well.

sigh. buck up man. i just gave someone attitude. omg. if you're reading this. really sorry ah. =/. not your fault or what. i know is mine. you were trying to help but i give you attitude. =ss.

so what if im taking hmt. so what! im not even fit lorh. okae larh. don't knoww.

good thing is. i DID NOT fail my geography. if not i really can kill myself. its the subject i put in the most effort. if i ever failed it. i think im hopeless.

thanks aiss. for giving us these kind of activites. x). but then. why does some sec 1s give attitude. [i know i do too, sometimes.] but then i know when to stop. they do not even have a limit.

im in this so. messed up. freaked out. feeling. don't know how to say. i won't use vulgarities. i won't. i mean. if you know me well enough. i never use them? lol.

i feel like using it. but then again, i don't want to dirty my blog. =)

science? can't believe it. i got an a1. for a moment. i can't believe it. gee.

seems like everyone is like, quite happy with their results. thats GOOD. well, i mean GREAT. but then again, who knows whats inside of them.

home econs. i really can't believe it. mrs shara DID NOT and read this again. DID NOT fail me. omg, i wrote rubbish man. this is so freaking unfair. i wrote rubbish. read this again. i wrote RUBBISH. okae. i wrote SHIT. i mean.. BANANAS. [hollaback girl -.-] lolx. but then again. is really so freaking unfair. i seriously don't deserve this mark. =ss. although is not really good. but i can't deserve the fact i passed.

to all out there. if i am giving you attitude. please stop me. i don't know what gone into me, attitude and attitude. oh man. shuks big time.

today had alot of lecturings indeed. but it didn't seemed to help. at all. or at the least. and they treated us as animals. ouch. that hurt okae.

well. results? is just a marking to show your effort you have put in. even though your effort you put in is a1 standard. it may fail you. sometimes. so results. doesn't really determine about you. so, look ahead. learn from your mistakes. i told zifeng. nan er you lei bu qing tang. in case you don't get it, translation: boys do not shed tears so easily. however, i think im wrong. because, even the strongest person will breakdown. so well, just look ahead. its over anyway.

and ohh. if you have ever thought about ending your life. i think you would better think twice. look at the less fortunate people. they still can be so strong to live on. why can't you? nah. not trying to speak up for nkf or what. lolx. but anyways. next tuesday. don't you ever try running away if you see white and green[girls]/grey[boys] trying to ask you for donations. =p.

woah. this post is long. wahahas. =)). well. gotta end here now. laters. =)

2005-05-18T17:45:00.000+08:00

`. rip my heart out. leave it to bleed.

hihi all. =).

finally. the day im awaiting for. tomorrow! heex. =).. but then i just realised.. tomorrow is the day im doomed. =/. results. seriously, all i wish is. NO red marks please.

well. hmms. i reccomend mu nai yi by jj lin jun jiee. damn nice. x). yi qian nian yi hou also nicee. haha.

urmmmss.. then... urmms.. nothing actuallyy.. yuppss.

miss the choir sessions. <3. yay. friday got. lolx. issit. got right? oopss. stm. haha. miss mr kwa! i mean.. i don't love him or whatsoever. but i miss it when he comes to our group and we will just "suan" him. =p. [ nah. i wun overboard ] and also ms chuaa. her sweet voice. hahaa. who else. nope i don't miss mr zhang. that. -.-". *cough*

well.. i don't know what im thinking sometimes. seriously. i need big help. but thenn. i won't ask for it. because some people won't mean it. i mean.. okae.. if you get it then good. if you don't, is okay. =)

finally i can go back to school and not think so much. finally. i really have been thinking alot.

yup.. nothing lerh i guess.. bye. x)

2005-05-16T18:32:00.000+08:00

`. be strong..

hmm.. this afternoon. went to northpoint with cory and catherine. then we just walk walk about.. lame abit then here and there.. lalala. lolx. after that catherine went for piano lessons yupp. so cory and i went causeway. then we just walk walk lorh. i bought a band with the words 'be strong' nope. i did not buy those with 'love life' type. i bought be strong. so whenever i feel like hope is gone. i just look at it. pauline, be strong. =))

and then we went on to take neoprints. of course. turned out to be fine bahh. =). haha.

then go home and rot lorh. haha. oh ya. bought teens magazine. f.i.r and sylvester de big big poster inside. =)). at first was in dilema which to buy. teens or teenage. hahaa. but well. is okay anywayss.

hmms. nothing muchh. *lalalalala* hahaa. just feel abit tired. and abit headache i guess. hmmms.

well. stop blogging lerhs larhh. byee.

2005-05-14T09:25:00.000+08:00

`. we are only just children..

sudden urge to blogg. hmm.

can you stand it when your mum just slap right straight at your face? for no apparent reason? its like you are just lying on the bed going to sleep and she suddenly comes and slap you? and when you ask. "you slap me for what?" then she just say. "your sleeping position wrong" omg. what the.. i meann.. what kind of stupid freaking excuse is that? if she hates me so much why did she in the first place bring me to this stupid world where i just want to end it?

sigh. of course i cried. i really don't know whats wrong with her. always finding faults in me. that time mid years i studied and studied. then when i just rest awhile. she say. why you never study? everyday only think of play and play. i mean. if i really never study at all or maybe study abit only. she say that i can understand. but the point is. i study she also scold. i don't study also scold. what does she want from me?

enough of her.

im sick of all these "home-schooled" days. i don't want to stay at home. its killing me. im bored bored bored bored. argg. how to survive? haishh. somemore cooping up at home. makes me think alot alot alot. haishh. keep thinking and thinking. keep talking to myself. [im not mental-case don't worry] .

thursday is a must die day. all results give back at one shot. *stabs stabs stabs* oh man. -.-".

but well.. i will work harder next time i guess. like i promisedd my jiee. x)). haish. well.. haha.. but these exams pass real fast.. serious.. that time last friday i was chatting with some people. then after that saturday sunday monday aiya.. all the days i never online. then on tuesday i suddenly thought of the conversations. then i was like thinking thinking. then i realise. huh? so fast tuesday? -.-"

well. i will stop here. for noww. hees. x)). hahaa.

2005-05-13T12:29:00.000+08:00

`. zai ai qing de guo du li. da jia dou xiang shi xiao hai.

exams are officially over. x))

okae. nothing much actually. changed my layout as you can see. my songg too. changed to he ren dong and chen yi rong de zhai xingg. nice mah? hahah.

nothing much larh. really. oh. about the maths todayy.. okae larhh.. don't know lorhh..

well. maybe blog later bah. since i have nothing to say lerhs. haha. take care yepps?

2005-05-11T11:57:00.000+08:00

`. wo yuan wei ni zhai xia tian shang mei ke xing xing

examss.. okae. i can't completely say is over bahh.. because still got maths paper 2.. but well. x)

geography was. chim. hm. don't know.. i wrote alot.. maths paper 1.. lucky it was simple.. then history.. diaoz. then home-econ. urmms. then today science....=/

i thought alot. think and think and think. i began to see some things. i tell myself. yup this is it. but after that. once again. i cannot take it again.

feverish now. dots. yupp..

sigh.. dun wanna do anything.. okae.. bye

2005-05-06T17:19:00.000+08:00

`. no hope..

chinese.. ><.. i really want to cry so much you know? Paper 1. i don't even know what crap i am writing at all. then paper 2. omg. is worst. haish.. compre also.. haiz..

when i was doing it.. i did not dare to cry or sigh. coz i was sitting right at the front. i wanted the back.. so if i cry or sigh no one can hear right?

mariah carey - hero. when you feel that hope is gone. look inside you and be strong. but i can't. i just can't. as im typing. im crying.

geography. i lack of confidence. seriously. my mind cant take in so muchh. history 50/50. maths. completely 0. mrs chua give us the practice. i almost all wrong.. pauline! how are you going to take the exam!

yesterday. my heart sank. or should i say. break? i don't knoww. haish..

im only sec 1. pauline! sec 1 only! and i am so stressed up already? oh mann.. i pity the sec 4s.. >< haishh.

my heart is so broken up. really.

2005-05-04T17:18:00.000+08:00

`. zhi yao ni kai xingg.

heyss. examsss. <33. hahaha.

well. english was okaee. mr kayne kwa! you youu. -.-".. lolxx. ya he set one.. paper 2.. he purposely set those chim chim type. from 'time' magazine those typee. okae larhh.. but summary was quite easy.. lolx..

mm. today pe. our grouup won again. quite a tough match todae. because is like. they throw long shots. then keep running here and there. -.-". left with lishi and huilengg de group to defeat. haha. then catherine was telling us. they know our que dian liaoz. then after that. janice added. we got que dian meh? then it was like. lolxx.

hmmmss. maths horh. quite hardd. the last year paper. =/. setter:ms rozi.. dotss.. why set till so hardd.

hmmss.. today quite sleepy larh. lolx.. somemore in the morning already die liao. hmmm. let me recall.. hmmm..

oh yar literature.. -.-.. dots. *dotted* lolx. reallyy.

hmmmsssss. the zifeng. beside me. keep laming lorh. he ah. -.-.. dots lorh. then the haiqal everytime add 'ling' behind people's name. then my already pronounce got. then he change to 'pauling' sometimes 'balling' -.-..

hmms. nothing much. thought back about the past. ks blog. arg. only guessed some. haha. dog.. lolx. that one funniest larh. hahaa.

well. stops here. all gambatteee x)). you too gambatte. haish. you make me sadd man.

2005-05-01T10:24:00.000+08:00

`. better off deadz.

if i died. you all will be happy. =)).
you told me de.

2005-04-29T15:17:00.000+08:00

`. zhi yao ni kai xing. wo she mer dou yuan yi.

got song on my blog le. ish twins - lao shu ai da mi. for those who have heard it yesterday. it was sang by another person. but then twins de. sounds nicer. hehe.

mid years coming lerh. must gambatte! haha.

though i have the least confidence in myself.. -.-;.. lolx..

haishh. i feel so stupid. i told myself. i wish to see that scene again. really. but then when i see it again. i fell again. =s..

umm.. todae saw him. then nothing much bah..

im getting siaoer and siaoer day by day.. haish..

2005-04-28T15:50:00.000+08:00

`. why is this happening to me.

hi all.. yupps.. weather's really warm.. and everything.. drink lots of water okay?

yesterday when i went to bring down the class diary. i saw him. i mean.. when i walked into the general office.. is like from the other side of my eye i saw him.. never saw him straight. just he looking down.. haish.. for so long.. finally see him.. i mean.. always walk pass his class.. like never see him at all.. but now at least.. feel abit more.. okae larh.. but then.. okae..

choir. learning phantom of the opera songs. rocks rock rockss! =). though quite high. yups.

then today. take the photo. haha. then was like. lol. then urmms.. quite suey.. our group.. they will know what i mean.. then stupid mr kwa.. bully us.. just one small stack of worksheet, he spread out 5 stacks so each of us in my group give out the papers. -.-;.

then urmss. early come home. haha.. lalalalalala..

sian now. i don't know why. keep thinking so much.. haish.. i don't want to think too much.. because.. im.. scared...

health aint better.. i used to think seeing the two of you together was hard for me to accept. but how i really wish to see it. because.. i want to be strong..

2005-04-26T19:03:00.000+08:00

`. i wish to see it..

umm..

first lesson is science.. did the stupid formulae thingg... urhh.. then is ps.. -.-;.. then recess.. then is english.. did passage.. very chim.. then mr kwa see me scratch my head and asked the obvious, "very difficult?" then i just nodded my head. haish. then ish home econ.. wheee.. then ish dear tim and moby.. -.-;.. then last is chinese..

then after that.. andrew weird weird de.. he actually helped us buy food up lorh.. i mean is okay.. but he wei le ask run up and down 4 times.. in the end he then go and eat.. then i keep asking he is it paying for his sins.. haha..

then after that lame larh.. haha.. that zifeng didi. hahaha. they keep asking the lame old joke. then he was like. you all underage. cannot talk about it. hahahahahaa. then is like. -.-;;

then runn.. haishh.. tired to death.. okay larhh.. then i requested to come home earlier.. because i scared later my aches act up too early.. havent act up yet.. soon.. haish..

later need to bear with the pain then study science.. tomorrow got science test.. ya..

is really painful.. haish.. im afraid.. i will be like my grandma.. okay don't say my grandma.. maybe.. my brother........ dots...... okae... think too much..

2005-04-25T20:27:00.000+08:00

`. you asked me. whats wrong. i smiled and told you. nothing. but then i turned behind and whispered. everything.

haishh.. my health aint getting better unfortunately.. nowadays in the morning stomach upset.. then at night.. whole body ache.. then my food.. sometimes i want to eat that time. don't know why suddenly feel very full. then never eat.

okae. i admit. im really scared. really.. i know you must be laughing right now.. but do you know im really very scared?

today's lessons. were okay. i can say.. i guess.. ya.. mondays..

tomorrow 2.4 run test. haishh. such a weak person like me. hah. think will faint under the sun.. no larh.. hope at least for one day. tomorrow. please be fine..

i may act as if im strong and everything. act as if my pains everywhere at nights are okay. but my pain.. you know how painful it really is? =/..

the pain is.. inside of me.. is not only that kind of pain you think.. its making my heart pain too. haish..

i suddenly feel like a weakling.. what is happening to me..?

2005-04-23T10:35:00.000+08:00

`. when someone cries. you get affected.

um. lol -.-;.

yesterdayy. hahahahaha. okaeee.. choir.. urm.. the seniors step down.. then ish like.. =/.. urm.. sad larhh.. *thsk thsk* then urm.. all keep crying.. of course will abit kena affected =/.

then go home that time.. bus 800. all choir seniors. -.-;. then ish like.. whole bus flooded by them.. then -.-.

nothing muchh. just feel very warm. =/.. die.. then slight cough. then cold. urh. sianns. don't want to be sick..

sylvester de shuo yi quite nice la. first time praising him. cant believe it. hahaha. but ish likee.. he sing this type of song.. very lolx.

hmmmss.. homework still got art. ><. need balloon lehhs. hmm.. the geography homework.. quite fun to do.. urh oh.. hope no 1e2 reading. if not i sure kena -.-". but really quite fun. -rolls eyes-.

thenn urmms.. nothing much actuallyy.. =/..

hahahahaaa.. lalalalalalalalala... stop heree. ciao~. hahah.

missess u.

2005-04-21T17:47:00.000+08:00

`. wo de xing zhui tou ming.

quite a long time since i blog. correct? haha.

first period is science. did the experiment. hahaha very funny. -.-;

then ish chinese. urhhs. the other half teacher never come. so good. =(

then ish recess.. nothing..

then ish literature. they did the play thing. then ish suppose to be very tense. in the end is very very funny. comedy.

then ish english. hahahahha. the priscilla incident. she was like. mr kwa mr kwa. got this worksheet you havent go through. then she was like so confident then show to mr kwa. then mr kwa was like. huh what worksheet. then she went. this one. then mr kwa see the paper. rock music and musical instruments. LOL. we were all like. hahahahahahhahaha.

then ish maths. mrs chua go for the co. then ya.

then ish pw. okae bah.

after that. urmm.. dunno larh..

i want to be normal. but sometimes i just cant. simply cant. that sight keep appearing in front of me. i was crazy. i created some idiotic poem too. also drew that scene. blahh. crazy little mind.

haish. okaee. byes. since you got ppl who care for you then.. well..

2005-04-18T17:38:00.000+08:00

`. wait and wait. haish.

lalalala. yesterday watched 'a world without thieves' super nicee.. very touching and sad actually. yupps. haha.

nothing much.. oh ya.. tomorrow home econ cooking exam. -.-;. guess what. i had to ask ys how to crack an egg. imagine me asking a b o y how to crack an egg?! -.-" omgg. i qu si suan le. -.-;

blahh. boredomm. sian. literature need to do powerpoint.. she why so troublesome hurs..

tomorrow got geography. argg. need to face that cher.. lucky i got revise larhh.. i scared later she tomorrow blabber and blabber then i 0_o again.

blahhhhhh. blabbering. blurbbling. bubbling.. haha. i crapping. can tell? duh.

sianz. tomorrow still need to runn. i think tomorrow try to run proper ah.. later horh take the test.. fail.. =/..

hualala. chi hua hua.. urm.. stop laming? -.-;. hahaha. later maybe study science. because. i completely forgotten.. wonderful larhhs.

lalalalalalala. go lerh. haha

even he cares. not like you. hes so much sweeter and cuter.

2005-04-16T15:45:00.000+08:00

`. a teardrop can block two peoples' worlds.

this morning. studied geography. because i seriously don't know what the hell ms tan is teaching about.. so i read on the rainforests then advanced onto the rocks, the volcanos and stuffs lorhhs.

now studying history. lalalalala.

ish drizzlingg. yups. now then realise larhhs. yupps. dance people disappointed.. never win anythingg. but then just want to tell them. do not despair or be sad. though i know they put in alot of effort. everyone wants to win. but not everyone can right. is like that one. if they win. then another group of people will grieve right. so is like.. hmms. you know. have to accept. but they did great le. i know that. =)

sometimes i run. sometimes i hide. sometimes im scared of you. but all i really want to is to hold you tight.

urms. yupps. the pictures i posted earlierr. effects by me. like the dog mahh? of course larhh. my brother give me de. =)). then that one my handphone chain lorhhs. crap larh. hahahaha. then the rainn. edited. then last but not least the heart. my favourite. bleahs.

mdm ian say our class and 1e1 not working hard enough for history. =(. hmphhs. so we e2s have to jia you okae.

boing boing boingz. hahahaha. bouncing about like a ball. not a fishball mind you.

although is rainingg. i still feel very heaty.. dont know lehs. this morning wake up.. feel so warm.. i cant even feel myself now..

yesterday the last espisode of 'a life of hope'. so sadd.. the liangyi. ><. haish.

nothing muchh. =). just smile.. urhs.. okae.. i hai bu shi because i care for you.. yet you took my words for granted.. fine..

2005-04-16T13:01:00.000+08:00

`. ilu. imu.

my heart.

my love.

doggie love.

blurred vision.

2005-04-15T17:55:00.000+08:00

`. i reallie change le mahh?

ellox all. todae rocks. =)). because. i went home so super earlie. =p.

lalalalalalas. actually ners. wanted to sleep. but well. with the noise downstairss. hope someone not reading this. if not. -.-;.

anywaees. urms lets see.. nothingg much bah. band got silver =). haha. congratz. though i don't know any band people..

yesterdae crapps with beeyingg. then this morning she came to my class to hand something to mrs chua. then she saw me. i very paisae. hahahahaha. =p.

todae we are going to be the death of mr kwa arhhs. hahahahahaha. so funnyy. hahahahaa. xing ku him lerh. =p.

maths! yay! i actually u n d e r s t a n d e d . can you believe it? i can't even believe it myself. woots. hahahahaha.

i todae on msn talk alot lehhs.. i cant seem to shut up.. so im kind of zi-bi-ingg now bahhs.. before another person say i talk too much..

photobucket maintainence. so the picture horhh.. urms.. so sorry for the timebeing worss.

but well. smile owaes. =). you rock. =)

2005-04-14T17:04:00.000+08:00

`. dui bu qii.

nothing muchh. nothing muchh. lalalalala. really nothing larh. -.-.

sianns. okae.

nothing le....yea right

2005-04-13T18:24:00.000+08:00

`. yi ge ren sheng huo.

why bad things happen? at least hit me one by one. why must it hit me at one shot.. haishh.. but i don't know why he can still remain so happy even though the news broke to him..

i know he don't want to be sad larh.. but.. haiz.

then this.. then that.. why like that...

soon cannot take the truth..

2005-04-12T19:04:00.000+08:00

`. if only you knew.

boing boing boingz. hahahahash. what a lame thing to start a post. -.-;

anywaess. urms. lets see. today well being run. arhh. quite okae larh. stamina level up liaoz. because i not so tired. though i never really run larh. but can feel bah. hahaha.

and then lets see. urmms. lalalalala. hahahaha. okae. homework flooding us all. but lucky i can finish all. =)). though people call me bian tai. -.-;. well.

tomorrow wednesday. haish. i hate wednesdays. because the periods and lessons are all so fricking *toot*. lolx. literature -.-;. geography -.-;. pe. yea.. i hate mr tan. -.-". seriously. lolx. then always ask us do push up. hey. he blind arhhs. we girls. keep ask us do push ups. anywaes. doesn't he know what is called playing frisbee at the parade square or something! ask us go play at the field. omggs. -.-;.

oh yea. the total defence de poemm. thsk thsk. got put up lehhs. lolx. -.-". okae. at least got cheng jiu gan larh.. urms. lolx.

lalalalalalala. changed layout. nice mah. hope so. the fastest layout i changed. broke my record. though this is the most complicated one. =o. hahahaha. =p.

mood arz. okae bah. =).

its going to rain sooon. hope it don't lie to me. coz i hope for a huge rain. lalalala. hahahahash.

guess will stop here. laterz! =)

2005-04-10T09:54:00.000+08:00

`. if we hold on together

hello all. nothing much. this weekend. so many homework. haish. now my mind. only filled with homework. history finishh. urms. yea. quite happy i actually finished it lorhhs. then english also finish. at first we complained to mr kwa. but he said. do i really give you all homework?. then i realise.. sorry mr kwa.. =/.. then literature havent colour.. then art.. haishh. just need to paint. but i think im going to fail it afterall.

ive seen it so many times already.. so many times that i don't feel bothered about it. but now im bothering about it. okae. don't know what im crapping. but well. i see then see lorhhs.. doesn't matter lerh..

mid-year exams coming. haish. how i wished its tomorrow. get it over and done with. =/. really.. like that wait and wait.. the pressure is more tense.

but well. im not even 10% prepared for it. im like. going to school and nothing goes it. yea. especially maths. of course.

then the new geography teacher.. very... urms.. okae..

nothing much. nothing much. just very tired. maybe plus a little sick bah. but well. doesn't matter. sick so many times liao. not bothered about it. yea yea. everything is like that. see so many times.. don't want to care..

hear so many times also.. don't care..

im waiting for my art de body to dry. -.-;. if not how to paint you tell me. hahaha. so don't say im lazy or what larhh. though i really am.

anyways, my memory really getting poorer and poorer. i really so tired of it lorh.. why i keep forgetting things.. while somethings.. i want to forget.. can never be.. forgotten..

why is it like this. important things forget. huh huhs. then those kind.. never forget..

i crap alot right. ya i know. can tell bahh. sian. lalalallalala. want to study science. but then like nothing go in. =/. don't know liao larh. im hopeless. okae?

tomorrow go back school.. again.. to face those things.

lalalalalalalalalaa~ okae. =)). byes. all because of you..

2005-04-07T18:16:00.000+08:00

`. sorry i never told you..

today's lessons.. okae lorh.. sigh.. i don't know what happen.. all e2s.. seem to be in bad moods.. no offence meant hurs.. but.. sigh..

mid-year exams. sigh. mrs chua saidd. okae..

lightnings and thunders.. haha.. so loud and stuff.. i think.. it want to tell me something.. haish..

im tired.. i really don't know.. okae..

i need a break. a break from everything..

why are you treating me like that.. did i do anything wrong..

2005-04-06T20:18:00.000+08:00

`. there can be miracles. when you believe.

hello alls. today lessons. haish. first is pe. lame lorhhs. =/. then ish chinese. sian lorhhs. then ish recess. nothing lorhs. science. ms chua cute lorhhs. maths. i headache like siao lorhhs. english. went crazy lorhhs. literature. do hw lorhhs. geography. lame lorhhs.

done. -.-; . hahahash. okae. today english lesson i really gone crazy. =/.. ahems.

then nothing much. ai-choir syf got silver. =)). happie for them. hahash. shirlyn very cute lorhhs. martial arts. hahahash. then talk to beeying. then lalalala. like that lorhhs.

sianz. my mum told me maybe we moving house. -.-;. pengz. what is this man. lolx.

then urms. art. sian lorhh. i only do one leg. pathetic =/. omgg. havent paint or anything yet too. >.< arggh. pauline.. please larhhs..

sadly. it didnt rain todae. i was hoping for a heavy one. =((.

lalalalalalalaala. i reallie madd. haish.. pauline.. please.. can you stop it?

2005-04-05T19:10:00.000+08:00

`. look inside you and be strong.

first lesson. science. nothing much. did theory.

second lesson. music. listen mariah carey song. quite nice. =))

then ish recess.

then ish english. urms. okae lorh. nothing much also actually. hahahash.

then ish home econs. sigh. burnt food. -.-..

then ish geography. urms ya.

then ishh chinese. sians.

after that. no well being run due to rain. =)). went to northpoint walk walk lorhs. at first wanted to take bus home. but since theres rain. i took a slow walk home. =)).

rain rocks . the raindrops patter on my head. hahahahash. then urms. ya.

sigh. tomorrow got mathss =[. you know. seriously. i don't want what mrs chua is talking about.. haish.. what to do nehh..

pauline.. pauline.. what is happening to you..

i myself don't know also lorhh. i think i change bah. don't know. i abit. haish. cant stand my character too. heck care and purposely making people hate me attitude. it shuks okae.

i guess you were right about it..

2005-04-03T17:08:00.000+08:00

"Someone who helps in times of pain,
Someone who listens to everything for no true gain,
Someone who puts up with you when you're mad,
Someone who helps you when you're feeling sad,
Someone who is always there for you, no matter what.
That's a real friend."

you told me i changed. but let me tell you. the person who have changed. is you. not me.

2005-04-03T10:14:00.000+08:00

`. have to accept.

hellos all.

went to make my specs lorhs. then urms. ya. later going to take. so ya. yesterday.. urms.. okae lorh...

think over liaoz.. have to accept.. if i don't accept.. what can i do...

tomorrow go back school. haish. okae.

nothing much lerh..

you will never know..

2005-04-02T11:04:00.000+08:00

`. ru guo neng hui dao cong qian.

havent really got a proper post.

yesterday.

first period maths. got our ties. haish. lolx. so biased. only sec 1s need to wear.

then ish history. urms. quite okay i guess. mdm ian corrected me abit here and there about the sbqs and stuffs. then ya. just realise when she smile. real sweet. =))

then ish recess. nothing much lorhs. yups.

then ish chinese. urms. lolx. okay.

then last ish english. the andika very funny. mr kwa let him be teacher. then he keep talking like mr kwa. then it was like. lolx.

then go hall. the principal speech. pengz. keep saying and saying. -.-;. cant he stop?

then go classroom lorhh. nothing much. i just wanna sleep. nowadays keep stayback. coz i keyholder mahs. then. always want to sleep.. then they think.. i crying..

urms. nowadays keep sharing my problems with meow. yups. so is kind of. don't know larhs. lolx. like that lorhhs.

just realised someone told me about something. i witnessed myself. i wont cry. i will smile. =)). because.. i accept everything.

later going to check eyes. then change specs. finally. because my specs already 'rot' till i don't know how liaoz. lolx. though my left eye. degree went up. ahems. okay.

if this is really it.. i will accept it. and since i witnessed it. with my own eyes. then well, nothing to do rights. but then well.. i will smile.. really.. =))

2005-03-31T20:19:00.000+08:00

`. dang ni.

long time no blogg.

lots of things happen. but mostly i want to sae is. sad things. of course.
so many sad things happen. duh. all happen for a reason.
but. i dun know the reason. people change completely. people lie to me for some things. to hide from me.

they think i don't know. so they lie and lie and lie. i gave them a chance to say the truth. but all they do is. continue lying.

whatever you all want to do. doesnt matter to me. but. do you know i hate the feeling of. been facing lies. acting like im believe the stupid lies.

when will people stop lying to me. when will they tell me the truth. is telling the truth so difficult. dont they know listening to them is more difficult?

this few day. not been myself. but well.. since you all say i change.. and not you all.. then.. okay..

studies. is okay. besides maths.

then.. like that..

2005-03-26T15:41:00.000+08:00

`. ni ku zhe dui wo shuo. tong hua li. dou shi pian ren de.

suicidal thoughts.

s

fear and screams within me.

i

sadness surpresses me.

m

in this cold and harsh world.

o

i see no one but myself.

n

i walk aimlessly for no goal.

i

wishing for the impossible dreams.

t

will there be someone.

h

just one person.

a

who will hold me.

n

hold me tight and lift me up.

k

let me touch the skies.

y

or at least.

o

tell me you love me.

u

but love cant be forced.

l

i wun force you.

o

but will you care for me.

t

and walk with me?

s

2005-03-25T19:07:00.000+08:00

`. people only care for people who care for themselves

i seriously got nothing to say.

because what i want to say has ended.

i dont know what to think

and i don't want to

let me scream will you

or just let me die. you choose.

2005-03-23T16:38:00.000+08:00

`. you touch me in my dreams. we kissed in every scene.

hello all. today quite alright i guess. besides english. -.-. um. okay fullstop. hahas.

feeling very headache now i guess.. don't know why bahhs. very very headache. yups.

haishh. don't know what im thinking all the time. today im glad i never think of anyone. seriously. i only until the geography period [last lesson] then i realised it. hahaas. i guess its great. but i think. i shouldn't even have realised. because. i start to think?

today stay back after school. lame abit. but then. not my fault. -.-..

headache larhhs. haish. then think of some things. very hard lorh. feel like a idiot..

then read the thing or something the start right workshop gave out at the first time. quite meaningful bah. hahaha. ya.

whether i fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. i am the force; i can clear any obstacles before me or i can be lost in the maze. my choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only i hold the key to my destiny.

hahahahas. okay. lolx. haishh. tong hua and love paradise really rockss. boohoo. hahaas. but really rocks.

in this world, where minute becomes second, second becomes minute, no one wants to lose. success is important to everyone. everyone wants to be a success but not everyone becomes one. wanting to win alone is not enough.

haishh. hahahas.

where are you. why haven't you been online. im scared of loving someone else again.

fullstop.

2005-03-21T18:09:00.000+08:00

`. ure owaes on my mind.

ellox all. this morning. went back to school. boohoo. lolx. at least i don't have panda eyes unlike some people. thsk thsk. hahas.

lets see. umm. change of timetable. yups. abit not used. hahas. then umm. geography teacher change again.. haish. stop it can? im very tired of all these changes.

mr kwa never come. boohoo. kind of sad. because i missed his lameness. lolx. miss his crapp. hahahahas.

todays cme lesson sucked lorhh. haish.

whole day keep thinking of someone. think i abit =/. ahems. okay fullstop. oh ya. that mr chairman. i say cory. then he give that sad sad face. act blur. -.-.

haish. oh. a new student from china transfer to our class again. now is pathetic 8. haishh. after that rencheng came. no peace. now another one. i don't dare to think.

i love my friends though. because they rock. hahas.

haishh. heart keep aching and aching and aching. and for what. for nothing!

argg. haish. why so many people troubled ne?

anyways this song is love paradise. nice right. =]. hahas. hope you all like it ah. =D

`. ill love you. till i die. deep as sea. wide as sky.

2005-03-20T11:15:00.000+08:00

`. ai wo bie zhou. ru guo ni shuo. ni bu ai wo.

ellox all. hahas. lalalalalala.

haish. yesterday. very um. don't know larhh. i try my best to help le. it all depends on whether that person will help herself or not i guess.

don't know about my mood actually. don't know what i always thinking.

often at times, i can tell people this and that but can't tell myself. don't know why.

you see my blogposts. getting shorter and shorter. i really don't know whats happening lorh. haish. i don't want to think. but you tell me. can i?

im supposed to study. what am i doing here. haish.

i type this post for like 10 minutes yet so short. im mad.

hate the feeling of so many problems cant no words come out. hate the feeling when i want to cry but no tears come out. hate the feeling i think im happy and want to smile but my jaws won't move.

its been a long long long time since i cry. because my tears can't come out. i think my tears all used up. moody huh. i guess.

school reopen tomorrow. stress again. im kind of scared. i cant take stress. serious. im scared of those suicidal thoughts again and again. it often happens.

the thought of walking that path. that thought of facing the teachers. i feel so scared now. haish. i feel all my homework all crap. later teachers scold me. haish. okay. fullstop.

but the thoughts. the fear in me. i can't. i really can't help it..

2005-03-19T22:10:00.000+08:00

`. all i need is a second chance.

hellos everyone. today went junction 8 with cory jie. hehes. first we went to take neoprints. ahahahahas. damn funny okay. =p. better not say. then we just walk walk around lorh. prank call mummy. ahahahas. the conversation damn funny. then we went back to np. and stuffs lorh. hahas.

nothing much actuallie. don't feel like putting picts here. -.-;. hahas. bored now. haish. tomorrow need to memorise home econs and revise geography le lorhs. =[.

nothing much today. just play play day. sch going to re.open liaoz. okay. fullstop. hahas.

nothing much. really. lolx. i don't know. im trying all means to try not to hurt anyone or sth bahs.

2005-03-18T09:09:00.000+08:00

`. what is happening to me

yesterday. hizx.

was really troubled yesterday. so many problems yesterday. i really need to catch my breath. sigh. so because of this. i hurt someone unknowingly..

but i don't know why, i didn't cry. for the first time. have i become cold-blooded? no. not really. because i wanted to. but im really tired of crying already. really. or should i say. i want to cry but no tears come out. i don't know how to face that person. because i know. i keep saying sorry. is somewhat. useless. that person also never reply my sms. if you are reading this. sorry.

hizx. i now come online got a fear i tell you. i scared of problems i have to face. im a coward. oh yes. i think someone is cursing me like mad now. because i sneeze and sneeze and sneeze. maybe is that person. hmm.

tried to help some people yesterday. but then i failed. hizx.

wanted to delete this blog, but then, this blog contains all my memories since last year. without this blog, i wouldn't recall of what happened, for example, on a fateful april....16? lolx. ya.

somemore, my house. if you come in. sure got screamings and shoutings. i don't know why my mum loves to scream so much. hizx. although she never scream at me. i tell her to lower her volume, she says im rude. you know. what's worst is. sometimes after a tired day at school, she see me come home, she will scream and scream. hizx. though maybe she scream is care for me. but then. doesn't she know sometimes im so troubled already, she scream and scream, i feel more vexed?

now im typing this, she's screaming again. hizx. i speechless.

want to study. no mood. hizx. mood affected already mah. plus her screamings. one thing very weird is. always i study. she will say i never study. hiz. i know im not as smart as my brothers right. never mind. she has been repeating about the psle thing since last year. im used to it already. really...

stop here now. don't know what to do next. okay. bye. hizx.

2005-03-17T10:45:00.000+08:00

`. love paradise.

yesterday was GREAT. [note the sarcasm]

firstly, louis and royston was late. okay nevermind. then we were like late for half and hour there. yup.

then, when we reached there. saw someone i didn't want to see. okay. that was great man.

then we played amazing race. got to run to pasar ris park. excuse me. the pasar ris park got how many bicycle kiosk? ahems. fine.

then the next is the BEST. okay i admit i hit ck quite hardly once im sorry. then he keep kicking me. -.-. okay great. oh ya. did i mentioned they wasted two cartons of eggs for nothing?

good question. we went. 2ks, and i forgot who came. okay. barbequed. ahems. okay. what now. um. lets see. oh. nothing much.

last. blindfolded us for some stupid thing. great la. x]. really.

then like that lorh. you all tell me. this day fun not la. fun horh. i know you all very envious la.

oh how many people went huh. um. 11 bah. ya. nice horh. CLASS gathering somemore. x]

i didnt know 6 achieving got 11 people. so many horh. x]

now im rotting here. havent revise geography. havent memorised home-econs. havent do art. im going to die soon i tell you. hizx.

anyways. love paradise rocks. arg wait. who cares la. x]

2005-03-15T09:36:00.000+08:00

`. people ain't who they seem to be.

hellos. was kind of pissed off by 3 people last night. okay. sorry

anyway. like the words in bold says. people ain't who they seem to be. yups. you may look at them from this angle, maybe you think they are happy-go-lucky type, but then if you really go into their hearts, you realise no. maybe that person could be kind of sadistic?

but well. not really means that person must be a sadist. that person maybe tired of life. tired of living. not because he/she is sad, but because they feel that life is um. nothing or something.

the way i feel towards these people is not sympathy. but a care towards them. i want to let them know i care for them and i don't do all these out of pity. really.

but then often at times. i told them. if you got problems. tell me. but they say there's no problem. maybe they do not know how i feel but. at that time. i was hurt. i felt worried. because a person with problems told me he/she has no problems at all.

im not particularly refering to anyone okay. so ya. just that.. i want to show them i really care. i know some problems is inappropriate but since you're sad. tell me you're sad.

i know sometimes. people will think otherwise. they think i care someone because i have special feelings for them. actually i don't care what they want to say about this anyways. yups. because i don't want any trouble or something.

so people, sometimes you do something, think twice. what is that person like. because who knows. when you try to cheer them up, they think its irritating right. so must well, to avoid trouble, look into their hearts first.

thanks for telling me the truth so i can care for you.

2005-03-14T11:02:00.000+08:00

`. love doesn't have to hurt. really.

hihi all. again. lolx. tired liaoz. no mood blog. but since im bored. then i blog?

one week break. lets see what hw am i left to do okay. um. art. hizx. history workbook. search for science thing for show and tell . study home economics. hizx.

no choice. even though i hate home-econs to death. have to study rights. brought back yuhuis paper for refrence. though mrs shut la. say not same questions, at least still can study it rights?

i learnt alot from someone. really is alot. sometimes to let someone really happy, you have to give up your love. even though you will be hurt badly. but it helps. although i know that someone is still healing, theres no way he can let go now. i can't help much. feel so helpless yups. hizx. why is letting go so hard. hurts my heart. although the one trying to let go is not me, it really hurts me.

am so tired. as in. not physically. but mentally larhs. so tired to think nowadays.

but anyways, think so much also do harm to me rights, so is better not to think. is better. do me good and to people good too.

the class thing. incharge of jokes. dunno how they want me to do it larhs. hizx. told you i was lazy to think already.

im not even sleepy. but i feel like sleeping. oh man i better not sleep. later i wake up evening already. miss out alot of time larhs. don't want that to happen.

guess i should start doing my sci thing. if not later no time. art don't have drawing block, plus i don't know what to do. sigh.

okayy. will stop here now. sorry yeps.

it hurts me seeing you thinking of someone else all the time. trying to let go of the person. maybe you do not know it. but then. it really hurts me. i guess i will help you. if you got problems can you please confide in me? don't keep to yourself. and. why you chose to tell someone instead of me. i mean is alright. but. why you don't want to let me know. everytime i think of you like that, do you know how tired it makes me feel? how helpless i feel? how restless i am..?

2005-03-13T10:17:00.000+08:00

`. ive been waiting for so long, when will this end..

hola alls. sigh. feel like a pig. slept so much yesterday. afternoon also sleep. night so early sleep already. eat and sleep. sleep and eat. -.-.

but then. sleeping. makes the time pass by very fast. at least the best. when you just sleep and sleep, no dreams at all. feel as if you are dead. i mean. of course im not dead. though i know many wish i were. its just that. very umm. nice feeling. like no troubles like that.

actually feel like going out. but go out. also no mood. later come back very tired. then sleep. see see see. -.-. hahahax. okay larhhs. not that bad though. anyways next wednesday got class gathering mah, can see my 6 achievers lorh. though not all going bah?

i really don't know i troubled over what. school? no what. school ish okay? if you just disclude how some sec1s behave. ya. some sec1s attitude kind of suck you know. im not against them or what larh, but.. because of them, the whole world thinks we sec1s all the attitude sucks. not serious and stuffs. what to do. some peoples. dun want to mention class. teacher leaving, give attitude? not concern abit at all, just joke and joke and joke. arg.

friends? okay i guess. class? no problem. uh huhhs.

last but not least, love. never mind actually you know, because, i don't care anymores. i don't want to waste my time thinking of someone so badly, or whatever. yups. just a waste of my time okay.

lalalalalala. now im dying of boredom soon. i guess. too early? maybe i sleep so much. not tired. hizx. okay. regrets. lolx.

i don't know what song to put on this blog. so im sorry yups. plus im lazie. sorry. -.-.

hahahax. guess will stop heres. who cares. blah. hahax

2005-03-12T10:13:00.000+08:00

`. why do we cherish people only when we lose them..

hello. morning everyone. i don't know what i'm thinking or what. but i feel like a failure. a failure falling everyday. everytime my heart will break, everytime i pick them up and glue them back, but.. the people who break my heart, do they know what im doing?

i mean.. its like. i'm trying to save myself from them, and they don't even know it, or should i phrase it this way that, they don't even know they broke my heart?

the person who can stop my tears hurt me. what am i going to do. what if i cry. what can i do if i cry? theres no one who can help.

people always cherish people, only when they lose them, i don't know why. but then, why? why must there be such a logic in this world. in this cold and heartless world.

when we are with them, we thought we can be together forever. but when we lost them, what happens?

unexpected things happen to me time and time again. i don't know what i'm supposed to do. should i let it be. or should i stand up for my own words?

i'm tired of what im going through. daily routine. cry. act happy. hurt again. then go back to crying again. huhs. hurt me more. okay.

im alone in this world. leave me.

i don't know to ignore you. or to talk to you. you hurt me.

2005-03-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

`. everything sucks.

Mrs shara sucks. she sucks sucks sucks. retest. reject. sucks. say what our class. then now this. a little bit also reject. duh. she sucks. retest for home-econ. upon 25. below 20 or 20 must retest. only 3 person in my class get above 20. duh. what excuse is that.

She sucks to the core. we hate her. hate hate hate her. argg. she sucks man.

okay. enough. today shared somestuffs with earthworm. if she never tell me that. i would have not think about it actually. but then. when he look into my eyes. my heartmelt.but i kind of missed it today. ya.

i don't know what to say. i speechless. even the person i thought knew me inside out, knew how weak i am. also hurt me. i nothing to say or do.

why so many things sucks? mrs shara sucks. queenie sucks too.

hizx. what is this. i don't know. i tired to think alreadiex.

2005-03-10T20:33:00.000+08:00

`. wishing on a dream that seems far off..

Yesterday went to the zoo. hahahahax. I know it sounds childish, but well.. lolx.. ya.. then I lame lorhh. what else. -.-.

Okay today, I'm kind of pissed off by some idiot. She's so.. arg. Can I please use the word? =s. She can copy people's project every single content and she's still so happy and everything you know, still can laugh. omg. =/. and she can act blur. people ask her for the file she say ' don't want ' what is this? Since she never do anything wrong, why she don't dare to show her project to everyone? And.. is it really a concidence that the person she stolen the project from the diskette is gone? And that even if its so concidence is the same website, why the extra information she also got?!

Can't she even spare a thought for other people? You know how hard it is to find the research and everything and for her just go home and re-print everything out?Rearranging the order?

All she does is act, act and act and act. Omg, I really can't stand this kind of people I tell you. Not only she act infront of everyone. She also act infront of me. Thinking I will be taken in by her. Yea sure yea sure. Only idiots will be. She act and act, I can't stand her I just walk away she just keep following, until in the end my friend must scold her then she leave.

Sometimes, she act I still can tolerate. But today, seeing a good friend of mine, who is always so cheerful looking, trying so hard to smile all the day. I mean I'm not. -.-. I mean.. its really saddening you know? =/. Why is she such a bitch. sorry. I no choice.

Act cute. Act pity. Act anything. she is worst than anyone in this world I tell you. Somemore, she do things to hurt my friends. i tell you what. i will get her out of my way. no matter what.

uhh. sorry peoples. i really had no choice. uhh. okayy. i dun want to say anymore. just want to say. if you hurt my friends, you are going to die okay.

2005-03-08T20:56:00.000+08:00

`. just one touch and my heart will fall and break

Todayy, is x-country. yupps. quite okay. since i walked. ahems. =p

Today lessons as per normal lorhhs, sorry, at first wanted to type all.. but then.. i now too tired to type alreadys.

Today talked to yuhui alot larh. people always appreciate things only when they have lost them..

Next wednesday class gathering stuff, =s. ya.then like that..

I too tired already.. =/.. hizx.. tomorrow got lit.. then must finish home-econss. =/..

sighh. stop here..

i really do love you. but then. i can't..

2005-03-07T17:44:00.000+08:00

`. everyheart. waiting. i need you.

Hello everyone. this morning. went to school with muscle cramp. after that quite okay le. okay. then um. listened to lian ai da ren on yeeting's hp. ya. um. ya.

Then lessonss lorhhs, quite okay.. I guess.

I keep telling myself to concentrate lorhh, but then, i just can't larhh, sometimes, then xing bu zai yan, don't know what im thinkingg.

Just now xiwei keep patting my head, -.-'. pengz. lames.

Literature the topics interesting, but madam kaur. sigh. she today i counted, said 9 ' are you following me' and 3 ' do you follow ' yup. -.-

Tomorrow x-country. no chinese. damn happie lorhh. no geography. if it was last time sure sad, but now, i also happie, not say, i bad or what, but she.. hizx.

Today mr kwa damn naughty. purposely 'sour' hanim in a way. hahahahax. then cory they all and janice and i keep laugh. =p. hahahahahax. he ah. damn. lolx. -.-

Home-econs still some stuffs can't find, how? Sighh. =/

Heard alot of ccas march holidays need to go back, hope choir no need, =p. bleahhs. go back. also sure must learn the songs for performance.. hahax. -.-

Guess will stop here. okayy. yupps.

i want to love you. but i can't. i will forget you. by all means.

2005-03-06T12:31:00.000+08:00

`. someone else needs euu more than i do.

Hello everyonee. yupps. um. yea. Chattingg right now on msn. Yesterday night, sms alot to sandy, thanks, i love her ears, yup. =/. hizx. okay never mindd.

Today nothing much lorhhs, still the same. just that. ya..

Yay. mummy later going to buy ice-cream. lolx. okay. never mind. hahahax. I so happy . looking forward to going to the zoo. ahems. lolx. hizx. tomorrow must go school lehhs. somemore got literature.. ahems. are you followingg me. but then. quite happy also because got mr kwa. he always full of surprises. LOL. okay la. but he's a very smart person. some people will get what i mean. if you don't is alright. too young. lolx. jokingg.

okay. now got 10 songs on my playlist. hahax. nice what. yupp. hahahax. okay.

And ya.. whenever you have problems, find someone to talk to , you will feel better.. =]

I really really love you. I really thank you for your love and care you give me. I really very touched by it, but then, I'm not suitable for you.. you are too good for me. I'm sure there's someone who is suitable for you. believe me. maybe you don't even know how much i love you. but then still.. thanks for always being there for me..

2005-03-05T18:24:00.000+08:00

`. a feeling of accomplishmentt.

Hello all. yupps. Just found the 3 recipes needed for home-econns. feel so. ahh. relaxed. hahahax. yups. Then summarised science 4.1 send to Janice to do the powerpointt le, another ah feeling, lolx. Thoughh home-econs still got some subb-points haven't findd finish, still at least, hehes.

I'm just wonderingg why so few peoplee online. Even habbo friends also so few. dotx. okayy never mindd. Just bored and tired. Feel like takingg a bath now hahax. Later bahhs..

My mood? Today alsoo nothingg, so is okayy lorh. If you see my smilingg means is real one I think. hahahax. hopefully this will go on yupps.But then, why nobody online? lolx. hizx. boredoms.

Garyy just now very lame. Suddenly sms me sayingg, " You all miss me right? " Lolx. he ah. damn bhb . -.-.

Still listeningg to the two songgs, very nicee lehhs. lolx.

Especially honeyy, is so sweet, then ai wo hai shi ta very umm. cute la. hahahax. don't know what I'm talkingg actuallie. but wells. hahahax.

I got nothingg to vent about todae. yup. so far actuallie. next wednesday go zoo! Yayy! I want to bringg my cam lehhx. take pictures of piggs. =]. hahahaax. I know goingg to the zoo sounds childish, but come to think of that, everyone love it! Guess I didn't know how to appreciate last time in primary school, hahhaax, somemore first time go out with 1e2! Hehex. guess will be quite funn. hahax.

Guess I need a bath now, hahhax. Okiee le. take care everyonee! =]

2005-03-05T17:02:00.000+08:00

`. cyndi - honeyy x]. tao zhe - ai wo hai shi ta.

Hello everyone. this post is being forced by Sylviaa. ahemss. lets call her seal for short. okayy?

Just now, went to northpoint with seal. She is very very crazy no doubt. First, we went to popular, went to buy diskettes youu see. Then once I got it, we walked around. She was mad. Okay? Then when we were going to pay up, she saw kinder brenuos [ whatever its spelled ]
Then we queue up. The next thing I knew was, she was putting her ears at the chocalate. Then she said, "Hey.. I'm listening to what the chocalate say.I think its saying don't eat me don't eat me " Yup, my next expression was -.-.

Then she tell me, she got one friend tell her one joke that made her laugh the whole day. So I suppose she should remember the joke deep in her mind. then she said. " I think I forgotten the joke " Then I was -.-. Then she went on. " No wait.she didn't told me a joke.. " Okay, I felt like bashingg her up that time =]

Then we went to mini toons. Saw a elmo boaster or something. Then I bought a handphone chain. as usual. Then went to pay up, got one eurasian little girl pay up. so cute bahx. very smart also lorh. Then the cashier say, " want to buy our new sweet? new promotion " then I was like laughing like mad then seal went crazy -.-'

Then we walk walk around, pengz. of course. Then go down to top up her ez-link card and her brother's one. She ah. lame like anything. ya. seal. you owe me $8 btws. x]

Then, walked to interchange, lame. Okayy, thats aboutt it. Seal must be reading this now, I got a feeling she's going to flood my msnn sooner or later. okae. Yuups. like thatt le. I've learnt something today, sylvia is really lamee =]

~ well blogg laterz. don't affect this post with vents. -.-

2005-03-04T18:24:00.000+08:00

`. mixed up; blah.

Ellox. First was grouped into 5 houses. In group e, haven't got group name yet. Then was damn happy when I saw someone [ the 4e3 de ] in group e also! Lolx. =p. Okay then like that lorhh.

Then maths, left a few minutes, didn't so much lorh. Then history. Got back paper, just passed, don't know I should smile or cry larhhs. Then is recess. Then is chinese. Sian. yup. Last is english, Mr kwa ask us write journal. then he keep coming our group trying to see what we writing, -.-'.Then go hall, watch one very very funny play. Copy lord of the rings, somemore got the song, hahahax.

Then, nothing much lorh. Go choir, then sian. ya. take measurements for the gown... ahem. I keep calling ms ong mr ong.. then she -.-' sorry not purposely de. yups. lolx

Just read someone's testimonials, read all. Suddenly realise how different how one can be. I think after reading, I should give him up.. I can't hold on to him.. I can't.. I mean, not say, he's not good or what, just that.. I think I will hurt both him and myself if I cling onto him all the time, guess I should give up.. can't believe horoscopes reading, they say today will be very lucky.. but I don't feel so, online and magazine horoscope both say today.. don't know..

Next tuesday x-country. okay bah. 3.7 km. die lorh. haha. then.. like that lorh.. think I in bad mood today bah, because.. I have to give someone up over some things..